Msg Base:  AREA 5  - ASK FATHER            CIN ECHO   AMDG
  Msg No: 296.  Mon  5-04-92 18:50  (NO KILL)  (MAILED)
    From: Father Mateo
      To: Erika Wiley
 Subject: Marriage

EW|Father Mateo,
  |    My name is Erika Wiley and I am 21 yrs. old.  I am not Catholic but I
  |have recently met a guy who is Catholic.  I care for him very much and he
  |says he feels the same.  He has even talked marriage with me already. BUt I
  |am unsure as to how that would work with him being Catholic and me not.  He
  |says that it is no big deal.  But I am sure his parents will want him to
  |have the wedding ceremony in his church.  How could we do this if I am not
  |Catholic?  A friend of mine who is Catholic told me that the both of us
  |would have to go through some type of classes together before we can marry?
  |Is this so?  How long does it take?  What is involved?  I am concerned
  |about all of this since I am not Catholic and have no interest in
  |converting at this time.  Since we are both adults and intelligent human
  |beings I feel that if we love each other we can handle two seperate
  |religions.  I really love him and don't want to have end our relationship
  |just because of our different religions.   I just need to know that I am
  |not wrong in loving someone who is of a different religion than I. And I
  |need to know that if we choose to get married we will be able to without
  |his family looking down on him for marrying me. Thank you so very much
  |father.
  |Erika Wiley

Dear Erika,

On this conference, I make it my rule not to answer questions about
marriage.  It is a matter that really needs the personal contact, and
the counselor must give the couple all the time they need.  But there
are some general matters in your message that I can write to you
about.

A Catholic may marry a non-Catholic in the Catholic parish church.
There is a period (usually 6 months) of preparation required,
consisting of shared prayer, instruction, and guidance.  This
preparation is presented, usually by a team, and part of the team is
one or more married couples who share their experience with the
couples who are preparing for marriage.

I do not share your friend's optimism that difference of religion in
a marriage is "no big deal".  In the United States -- where opinion
polls and statistics gathering flourish, as you know -- difference of
religion is one of the largest single factors in failed marriages. Of
course, every couple feels, "It can't happen to us."

The style of your message tells me that you are well-educated, so I
will suggest two books for you to read:

1) Leo J. Trese. The Faith Explained
   Fides Publishers.  About $10 plus ph.

2) How to Survive Being Married to a Catholic! Liguori Press.
        ISBN 0-85231-089-7    $3.95 plus ph.

Both are highly readable and short!

I do urge you and your friend to call upon the local parish priest
for information and talk, quite soon.

                                God bless you both.

                                        Father Mateo